Free GUIDE to DILATING
to help you Self-Treat Vaginismus!
Detailed Tips and Information by women who've been through it
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If you cannot read the PDF, you can for free.
Welcome to the D-Guide, the most practical section of the Vaginismus-Awareness-Network website.
Congratulations for being ready to set out on this wonderful journey that will get you to own your body and love your body and yourself in ways you probably found impossible before.
Here you will find very detailed tips and information to help you on your way. We can't be there to hold your hand physically but imagine these tips coming from the heart of a mother to her daughter, because they were written with that spirit.
This guide took a few months to put together from the knowledge of a few years of experience researching and studying vaginismus plus our own experience with it and advice we gathered from over 100 women with vaginismus we have had conversations with in the past few years.
Hard work but nothing major, and yet nobody has so far published such a detailed guide for free, despite maybe saying they care for women's health.
Some of us found that extremely disheartening and it also fired us up, so we decided it was time to share this basic information and good tips because the Art of Dilating isn't rocket science and shouldn't remain a secretive treatment that some clinics make women pay thousands of dollars for.
On-line Guides to Dilators
Thankfully you can find some short guides online too. They are not super-detailed but they are still very helpful and have tips we can all learn from so they are worth checking out too:
* Information for the Use of Vaginal Dilators A leaflet for women who attend the Middlesex Clinic hospital (USA)
*Amielle Dilators producers put a short but helpful "how to use" guide for their dilators.
(The PDF link is at the bottom of the page so scroll down)
* Laurel Prescriptions Guidlines using Venus Vaginal Inserts for the Management of Vaginismus
* Instructions on the Use of Vaginal Dilators for the Treatment of Vaginal Agenesis
Before you begin this journeyNow, before you begin reading our guide and try dilating to cure vaginismus, you hopefully will have first read in the section "Treatments: Pros and Cons" how systematic desensitisation (a.k.a. Dilating) is one of the most used, gentlest, most effective and cheapest method that you could try to solve vaginismus; its positives outweighing the negatives by far.
But in order to get the best out of it and have a smooth journey, make sure you know your vagina and your hymen well before you begin. They can be your best allies, so if you still haven't, check out our graphic-free section: Vulvar Anatomy.
Also, make sure you are aware of the many misconceptions about vaginismus and what it is NOT.
Before you begin, it's best if you are clear about the expectations (or sexpectations) you or your partner may have about the final outcome of this process. Being able to finally have intercourse can be a great bonus in a relationship BUT it won't fix an insensitive partner, it won't fill gaps created by lack of understanding and lack of love and it will unlikely turn you into a sex Goddess overnight.
Basically, the fewer expectations you two have about sex and less stress and deadlines you place upon yourself in regards to getting to the finishing line, the quicker and smoother this journey will be.
Overall, the best starting point for you before trying to treat vaginismus and commit yourself to dilating, would be that of feeling that whether or not you managed to treat it, should NOT make a big difference in your life and that you can be happy, loving and loved even WITH it, no big deal.I know it may take some time or some insights to see it this way, but that is what happened to me and to other women, we became aware of the direct and indirect pressure we were put under to treat vaginismus or to be fully sexual, and we started questioning things. And it was powerful...
Before starting, you and your partner should be very aware that you are already a fully lovable woman, independently from your ability to have something inserted in your vagina, and that truly loving relationships are not at all based on intercourse, that men don't NEED sex nor do you owe it to them, even as a wife, that your vagina is your friend and shocking as it may sound, that it is likely that vaginismus may after all be a blessing in disguise ...
If you are not in that frame of mind and you are pretty 'desperate' to treat it, then it could be harder to go through the process and stay motivated if things shouldn't go right the first time around, or if your partner started stressing you out and be impatient, but if you want to give dilating a try anyway, hopefully you'll see through this journey that your vagina IS quite cool in fact and that she has some valid points to make...
Either way, best of luck...
The Guide to Dilating:
This guide is divided into 20 sections. You don't necessarily have to follow steps in the same order. To go straight to the one you want information about, please use this drop-down menu.
PREFACE: THE GOLDEN RULE
1. DILATORS: GET TO KNOW THEM
2. TRANSITION TO DILATORS
3. CHOICE OF DILATORS
5. PRIVACY AND WHERE TO DILATE
6. BEST POSITIONS FOR DILATING
7. RELAXATION TECHNIQUES
8. HOW TO CONTROL THE PC MUSCLES & KEGELS
9. FINDING THE ELUSIVE OPENING
10. FINDING THE RIGHT ANGLE
11. HOW TO MOVE THE DILATORS
12. HOW LONG TO KEEP A DILATOR INSIDE
13. PULLING DILATORS OUT or REVERSED VAGINISMUS
14. COMMON PROBLEM: THE BURNING SENSATION
15. MAKE IT FUN
16. WHEN TO MOVE ON TO A BIGGER SIZE
17. FREQUENCY: HOW OFTEN TO DILATE
18. USING FINGERS AS DILATORS
19. PARTNER'S INVOLVEMENT IN DILATING
20. FINDING THE MOTIVATION
THE GOLDEN RULE
Do you know the Greek story of Orpheus who wanted to rescue his wife Eurydice from the Underworld where she had been kept prisoner? After risking his life to descend there and playing his sweet melody in front of the Gods of the Hades?, they agreed that he could have his wife back, but only on the condition that he did not look back towards her until they had reached the land of the living.
Unfortunately curiousity again killed the cat, and Orpheus turned just before reaching the end of the steep path, because he started doubting that Eurydice was in fact following behind him.
This story can be a wonderful metaphor for couples trying to treat vaginismus together and rushing the last steps..
As you probably already realized by reading the tips on dilating, there is no strict set of rules to follow to treat vaginismus except for following your vagina’s pace and nobody else’s, and being very gentle and loving.
But there is one rule to observe religiously, and it’s a very simple one, yet one that the wish to see if the treatment is working, will actually risk causing a setback.
NEVER ever let yourself experience pain. If you have intercourse or penetration with something that hurts you and you feel pain, you will reinforce that idea in your head and body that insertions will be painful and things will get worse!
So if you are having painful intercourse now, stop it immediately. Tell your partner why you need not to risk causing your vagina any pain and how trying before its time could be counterproductive. Tell him the Orpheus story… The world of the living IS very close, do not fear.
Trust Eurydice… she is climbing the steps…
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